Where has this douchebag been?

So I (this is Poppy btw) haven't been around lately. I know what the tabloids have been saying, I'm pregnant with Dustin Hoffman's child and all that hullabaloo. I can assure you that is not the case (though I would love to be given the chance to make a baby with Dustin, so if you know him, do a girl a favour!)

I've just been unusually quiet because, well...you'll see....